October has been a month of ups and downs, but mostly moving forward. I am not done grieving over this awful year, but I no longer feel stalled. The waves of sorrow come less frequently and less intensely (though the holidays are sure to temporarily change that). I'm beginning to be productive with our business again and that feels good.
I finally opened the boxes I shipped from my dad's apartment and survived. I haven't totally unpacked them yet, but it is a step. The hardest thing is the scent trigger of his clothes and other belongings. I can understand why he kept my mom's clothes for so long as there is a certain comfort in their feel and smell. I also closed the estate last week while I was in Iowa and went out to the cemetery in the middle of nowhere to make sure the headstone had been engraved.
I spent some time wandering the cemetery where so many of my mother's ancestors are buried and felt the warmth of the sun on the granite. I talked to my parents, felt the wind and smelled the cattle lot next door. I remembered all the times I visited with my mom to bring flowers as a child. I was afraid it would be terribly sad, but I actually felt peaceful.
I continue to work on Rowan's Christmas stocking and am counting the weekends until it must be ready. It's coming along nicely but there are many hours ahead. I think he'll be excited to see it and can't wait to spend the holidays with him. I had a wonderful visit last week and he's always happy to see Gamma. His mother said she wonders if he thinks I can come out of the computer to visit him as he talks to my picture on the computer even when we aren't Skyping.
Now that I've caught you up, I need to get busy on that stocking. Hoping to get in 5 or 6 hours today!
